Common Questions

Unfortunately I don't know the answers to everything, but I can help you in several key areas. Here are a number of questions that couples getting married have asked. Some of the questions refer to issues relating to getting married or joined, and some refer to my specific wedding services. Please feel free to telephone or email me with your questions. I hope some of these observations will help you in planning your special day.

1. How does a couple actually get legally "married?"
2. Is a commitment ceremony legal?
3. Isn't a commitment ceremony always much smaller than a formal wedding?
4. If our wedding is a commitment ceremony, will there be any kind of certificate given to us?
5. Where can we get married besides a church?
6. Can we include children in our ceremony?
7. Do you recommend any other vendors such as photographers, florists or DJs?
8. We just got engaged. What do we do next?
9. What are the main things to consider for a customized wedding ceremony?
10.What is a Unity Candle, and why is it often used in a wedding ceremony?
11. What is handfasting?
12. What is the Ceremony of Roses?
13. What is the purpose of having "readings" performed during a wedding ceremony?
14. Who do we invite to the rehearsal dinner?
15. Do you accept credit cards?
16. Will you be staying after the wedding for the reception?
17. Will I have to pay extra for your travel?
18. How much experience do you have with weddings?

Q. How does a couple actually get legally "married?"

A. In the State of Washington, a legal "marriage" must take place according to the laws of the County in which the union takes place. It's where you get married that counts, not where you live. A couple is officially "married" when a legally authorized person such as myself performs an official ceremony uniting them in marriage, signs the County marriage license and submits the signed license to the county auditor's office. The signatures of two witnesses as well as the Bride and Groom must also be on the marriage license. Legally authorized persons are all clergy (i.e. priests, ministers, rabbis, etc.) and certain other persons specifically authorized such as Judges, Justices of the Peace, etc. Vows of commitment are required to be exchanged by the couple, but wedding rings are optional and not required. For more information, see the Marriage Laws page, or contact the County Auditor's office of the County in which you plan to be married.

Q. Is a commitment ceremony legal?

A. A commitment ceremony is not formally recognized by the state of Washington as a legal marriage.

Q. Isn't a commitment ceremony always much smaller than a formal wedding?

A. A commitment ceremony IS a wedding, and it can be as big or small, with as much or as little detail or formality as you choose. The only difference between a commitment ceremony and a traditional wedding in my view, is that the latter is the only one recognized as a legal marriage by the state of Washington. The love, and the desire to share and celebrate that love is universal to any two people who are committing to one another. If anything, a commitment ceremony has more opportunity for customization as there really are no set-in-stone rules for conducting or participating in one, allowing for even more flexibility and creativity. I have several resources that can assist you with decisions about your ceremony. Please see my Links & Resources page.

Q. If our wedding is a commitment ceremony, will there be any kind of certificate given to us?

A. I have a beautiful certificate suitable for framing which you as a couple sign, and I sign as well.  The state of Washington charges $54.00 for a marriage license and certificate; comparatively, I offer an even more attractive commitment ceremony certificate at $15.00.

Q. Where can we get married besides a church?

A. In the State of Washington, you can get married anywhere within the legal boundaries of the State. That includes all public and private buildings (not just churches), bodies of water (lakes, rivers, etc.), or even in an airplane!

I have performed ceremonies on farms, in private homes, in botanical gardens, on beaches, in parks, restaurants and even the top of the Space Needle.

Q. Can we include children in our ceremony?

A. Of course!  There are a number of ways to include children in your wedding. In addition to having a flower girl or ring bearer, there are ways to include children in the vows, etc. I have a several ceremony options designed specifically to include children that I will be happy to show you.

Q. Can you recommend any other vendors such as photographers or DJs?

A. Yes!  I choose very carefully those vendors which I recommend to people.  You can be assured that if I provide you with the name of a photographer, DJ, etc., that their services are of the highest quality. Please see my Links & Resources page.

Q. We just got engaged. What do we do next?

A. You can go to the Washington State Laws for Marriage page on this website to get started, and then are a multitude of on-line sites for assistance with planning. I highly recommend use of a good wedding planner/coordinator for all large and elaborate weddings. If you are not systematic and organized with a lot of time available, it is easy to get overwhelmed by all the details and choices.

Q. What are the main things to consider for a customized wedding ceremony?

A. There really are three main things to consider in choosing your ceremony. They are:

1. The kinds of ceremonial traditions. The choices range from a very traditional "church-style" wedding (which is usually heavy with religious reference and not included in my services) to no religious references at all. Many people like to include things like romantic readings, singing, etc. My recommendation is to include only what is meaningful to you, and not to confuse a wedding ceremony with a church service.

2. The kinds of romantic imagery. The most common types of romantic expressions are readings and the lighting of a Unity Candle by the couple. Other choices include special music, giving flowers to mothers, drinking wine together out of a goblet, singing to each other (Groom serenading the Bride, etc.), original poetry, blowing bubbles or the release of butterflies or doves after the ceremony. There are a lot of creative ideas that you can borrow from others, or even think up yourself, but the rule is to be true to yourself.

3. The kinds of cultural traditions. If you have a strong tradition from another country or culture, you may want to include it in your wedding ceremony and/or reception. I am happy to accomodate any such rituals, etc. that you would like. Please discuss this with me during our initial contact.

Q. What is a Unity Candle, and why is it often used in a wedding ceremony?

A. A wedding ceremony is a pageant of sorts, and usually includes romantic imagery. The purpose of the imagery is to paint a picture of the words being spoken. Often couples will have two taper candles lit to represent their separate lives, and after the exchange of wedding vows and rings, they will light a third candle together. This "unity candle" represents their union, the joining of their two lives into one. It is purely a romantic image, without any religious implications.

Q. What is handfasting?

A. In ancient celtic times, a couple declares during a handfasting ritual to live together for a year and a day. At the end of the year and a day, they can repeat their declarations publicly again, part their own ways or get married legally. A Handfasting today usually is done by draping a cord over the couples hands which are joined together.  Some of the most beautiful and meaningful vows are written by the two getting handfasted. Like any ritual, you should feel free to adapt it to your own needs and even create your own meaning for it.

Q. What is the Ceremony of Roses?

A. In the book, "Conversations with God III", the Ceremony of Roses accompanies an exchange of vows with red roses, and the ring exchange with white roses.  I am familiar with two other wedding traditions in which roses are used. In one, the mothers are given roses as tokens of the bride and groom's love for family. This is often kept a secret from the family until the roses are presented.  In another, roses are exchanged as the bride and groom's first gifts to one another as a married couple. They can also symbolize your understanding of your vows, or any other meaning you choose to associate with them.

Q. What is the purpose of having "readings" performed during a wedding ceremony?

A. People have been in love since the beginning of time. All over the world, in many different cultures and throughout history, people have written wonderful expressions of their love in poems, sonnets, love songs, etc. Other people may have said things about love that are very similar to how you feel, and they may have said it more eloquently than you or I could. Take William Shakespeare for example. His artful creativity with weaving words together is unsurpassed in its ability to convey romance and love in a highly unique and original manner.
It is appropriate to have a few romantic readings performed during a wedding ceremony, especially texts that have been recognized over time as "classics." I have quite a few suggested readings available upon request.

Q. Who do we invite to the rehearsal dinner?

A. Traditionally, the couple invites all attendants and their spouses or significant others, the couple's immediate families, and the officiant. However, if the budget allows, you should feel free to invite anyone else you would like.

Q. Do you accept credit cards?

A. I cannot accept credit cards directly, but I am registered through PayPal to accept them. Just click on the PayPal button towards the bottom of the My Services page.

Q.  Will you be staying after the wedding for the reception?

A. If you invite me to stay for your reception and my schedule permits, I am happy to stay for as long as you would like. Otherwise, I will stay only as long as necessary to make sure we get all of your paperwork signed and any of your questions answered.

  Q. Will I have to pay extra for you to travel to my wedding?

A.  If your ceremony is located in King or Pierce county, my travel is included in your package at no extra charge.  For more extensive travel, there is a nominal additional fee for.

Q. How much experience do you have with weddings?

A.  I have been ordained since 2001.  As of March 2004, I have performed close to 50 wedding / commitment ceremonies.

If you are unable to find the answer to your question here, please feel free to e-mail me at Weddings@ReverendMary.com.